just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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