I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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