You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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