So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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