Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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