drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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