1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
