; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
