Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
