I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
