you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
