It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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