OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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