your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
