Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
