Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
