i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
