Pappa wants mamma naked
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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