the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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