I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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