did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
