I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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