my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
