uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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