i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
