i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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