these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
