I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
