I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
