i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
