did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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