i was born a porn star she said
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
