So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
