I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
