Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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