I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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