he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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