If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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