Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
