You can't motorboat a personality
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
