by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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