is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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