i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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