At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
