he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
