Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
