peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
