That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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