My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
