I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
