I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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