he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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