somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
