omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
