Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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