So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize