how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
