your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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