pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
