as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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