Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
