You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
