she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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