woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
