After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
