I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize