I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
