so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
