just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
